Monday, July 30, 2012

His heart.

We ask “why?”
We long for… answers.
We feel entitled to them.

Our souls begin to doubt, our minds are fogged with confusion, and hearts remain unhealed, as the simple yet poisonous whisper consumes every part of us.

Deceived into thinking that answers will bring peace. That explanations will bring healing. That understanding will bring release. 

Forgetting that those things,, can only be found in Him.

The question that erodes the soul.

I write this with a mother’s heart. With a heart so flooded with Divine love for my son,, a love so pure that it can only come from the Ultimate Father. A Love that’s so overwhelming. A Love that’s so powerful.
As my child grows within me, I almost desire that he would stay within my womb,, my only real hope of protecting him. Keeping him from being exposed to and experiencing anything that would harm or hurt him. Protecting him from the pains, hurt, heartbreak, sin and darkness of this world. As my belly grows, so does this intensity within me to only give my child good, pure, joyful, beautiful things; the things of God.

And I know that as we raise him, he won’t be able to always understand the things we allow and don’t allow him to do. From his limited child perspective, he won’t be able to see the fullness of certain situations or the bigger picture and end results, like getting shots at the doctor or not being able to only eat candy. I know in his mind he will only see a tiny glimpse of what’s actually going on, and all that will matter to him is what he’s experiencing in the moment, not what I’m preventing or equipping him for in the future. I don’t expect it to make sense to him, but I do expect that he’ll know the truth of my heart and love and nature towards him. That when things don’t make sense, he can trust me because he knows me and how I feel about him. That he’ll be able to live and grow carefree, in full assurance of who is taking care of him, and providing for him, and going before him.

And that’s when God showed me.

In an outpouring of His love, God showed me that His heart is infinitely times greater for us, for me. that He desires only good things, the best things,, the things of life, love, freedom, peace, joy and beauty for me. that He weeps when my heart aches and when I’m exposed to things that I shouldn’t be.

“I am not withholding any good thing from you”

The words penetrated the very depths of my heart and soul, clearing the fog that plagued me for years.
He had given me the most accurate, pure, whole, clear picture and understanding of His nature. The reality of His heart towards me, how He feels about me, how He looks at me.

I didn’t need Him to show me the answers, or the reasons, behind all the “whys?” 
I needed Him to show me Himself.

The root of my doubts, and questioning, and what ifs, and confusion, wasn’t a lack of understanding circumstances or decisions, it was a lack of understanding God’s heart towards me and who He really is.
When we see Him, we’re able to let go of our limited, finite perspective and walk in the freedom of simply trusting Him.

I no longer need answers, I know what His heart is behind everything that He brings or that He allows. And the things that come from simply living in this broken world, I know He can work those together for my good as well.

He desires me to walk in the same trusting freedom that I long to give to my children. May we not allow the things of this world and philosophies of man to strip us of our spiritual innocence and ability to live as children who know their Father.

So I encourage you to pray,, not for answers,, but to see and understand His heart for you, in whatever you’re walking through.
He is guarding you, He is leading you, He is keeping you, He is protecting you, He is withholding no good thing from you.