Tuesday, March 13, 2012

the day i met you.

i like to think about the day i met you,,

there was nothing special about it, no excited expectation as i awoke.
it was just...normal.average.mundane. one more day to somehow get through. 
i put on that smile that masked my brokenness to the world,,
and somehow held onto that one little string of hope that i kept locked away deep inside--
that maybe something would change. maybe everyone around me would change. maybe i would change.

i wasn't expecting it. i hadnt planned it.
its clear now that you did.
sure, i had heard your name here and there,
everyone had their own opinion about you,,i had my own suspicions.

you were always around,, i paid no attention to you.
 i'll be honest- i just didn't see you.
i never thought about you. i never desired to talk to you. i never really cared. 
i never made the time. i never put forth the effort.
you weren't what i was looking for.

i like to think about that day,,

your timing was perfect. everything else since i could remember seemed to lead up to and prepare me.,
for this one day. this one moment.
you introduced yourself to me--you already knew my name,,who i was..
something about you brought down all my walls.
just being around you caused my heart to move within my chest. 
it was easy to breathe again. 
 it was as if you were shining. you were full of light. 
the darkness began to fade. 
i was starting to see.
 your intentions were pure. you werent trying to manipulate,, unlike every other lover. 
your heart was all love towards me. 
it washed over me.
i was a mess. covered in filth. you were covered in white, radiant.  
i had nothing to offer. you had everything to give. 
unconditional love was fleshed out before my eyes.
you held me. your hand was in mine. every ache and longing was suddenly satisfied and overflowing in your embrace. 
i just knew i was yours.

 our conversation wasn't long. you knew exactly what to say,, 
your words brought life.freedom.
im not sure if i even said anything back. 
you knew how i felt though. 

the moment ended. the tears did not. 
you had broken through.
my eyes had been opened. i was able to see you. 
memories flooded my mind,, 
every moment i had ever felt comforted, you were there. 
the days when i felt warmth and a genuine smile formed on my face,, it was because of you. 
even the days that were heavy and dark, you were with me. 
every moment that brought me to this place of brokenness was you.
all the little love notes you left me over the years were clearly revealed. 

my pursuer. 

i knew what i had to do. i couldn't go back, things couldn't stay the same. 
they didn't have to.
i didn't want to live another day without your presence. without your words. without you. 
i went after you. i followed. i began to run. only your wooing allowed me to. 

you pursued,
you enabled me to respond,, 
you continue to pursue,,
you continue to enable me to respond.
a couple years have gone by now,, 
and when i start to think that our relationship is dependent upon me,,
and striving takes over,
and pride creeps in to make me think i somehow earned your love, 
and when discouragement and condemnation lie to me, making me feel unworthy,
i like to think about the day i met you.

the day that things began to change forever--
the day i didnt see coming--
the day you planned all along--

 the day i met you, Jesus.